Thursday, February 12, 2009

We Remember

Today is the fourth anniversary of the loss of our twin girls, Kathleen and Ella. I am filled with many emotions this year. Our lives have come full circle as we have completed our family with another set of twin girls, Ciara and Maura. I can honestly say that since that day four years ago not a day goes by that I don't think of them. I don't always cry, nor do I dwell on the what ifs, or feel sorry for myself. Often I take pause and realize how lucky I am to have three healthy, beautiful children. I try to be a little more patient, and enjoy them even more than I already do. I remember how supportive my husband has always been, but especially during our darkest days after the loss. I remember how we came together and didn't let this tragedy tear us apart. We strengthened our marriage and came through stronger, knowing that we had survived the worst - together. I know others may not understand our need to remember. But, I feel that their short lives, though only inside me, should be acknowledged. We loved them the second we learned they were conceived. They were individual, little people to us. I feel very guilty this year because I completely forgot to schedule a Mass for them at our church. I feel most guilty because I am so busy with our new additions. I hope they know that they haven't been replaced in our hearts. They will always be remembered. When our living children are old enough to understand we will do something each year on their birthday to honor their memory. We hope that by doing this as a family our children will know how much they were wanted, and how much they are loved. We took such a risk with our hearts to try again, but we were blessed, and we know it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

We've Come So Far!

Wow! I can't believe I haven't updated my blog since October! (I actually can because it's just so busy here) The girls have settled into more of a routine which is nice. They still fuss/cry as they fall asleep. I've accepted that to be the way they fall asleep. They are smiling and laughing and getting ready to crawl! It has been so much fun to watch Tadhg develop a relationship with his sisters. He loves to make them laugh by jumping up and down, and blowing raspberries. They just crack up! You can just see how attached he is getting and it's so sweet. Today I had to take the "girlies" (as they are known around here, thanks to big brother) up for their nap. Tadhg was finishing his lunch. From upstairs I hear wailing and am thinking he had fallen out of his chair or something. After he was calm enough to explain he told me "he forgot to say good night to the girlies". I mean how stinkin' cute! He was so upset! So before he went in for his rest he stood outside their door (they were already asleep) and whispered "goodnight, Ciara, goodnight Maura, I love you". It brings tears to the eyes!